As I have chatted with friends and fellow sports parents over the years, I often hear people say, "What are we doing this for? Why are we running around ragged, piecing together our precious hours and schedules with carpools and babysitters like fragile remnants in a vintage quilt, to make it to every practice and game, often driving to the opposite side of town, for our (multiple) children? What is the end goal of all of this? My kid isn't going to be a professional football/basketball/baseball/soccer player, or even play in college. Why are we doing all of this?"
As I reflect on my own sports (or really any extracurricular dance/music) experiences growing up, my only answer is that the reward lies in the tube-sock clad, journey, NOT the destination. Some of my most treasured memories, lessons, and friendships revolve around my sports experiences. As many can relate, given that I grew up in the 70s/80s/90s, the number and variety of sports I was able to play well into my teens far outweigh what would ever be feasible for kids today. Although I was no Mia Hamm/Bonnie Blair/Dara Torres, many of these sports complemented one another. For example, the positions and muscles developed over years of speed-skating along with the field/positional awareness learned from soccer and basketball likely gave me an advantage in field hockey. The strength, balance, and flexibility I gained from dance enhanced the core strength/skills needed for swimming and diving. You get the idea. I am a big believer in the benefits of multi-sport, but that is clearly becoming increasingly challenging in our sports culture today.
I am so thankful that my parents exposed me to so many different sports and supported me through countless hours in the skating rink, swimming pool, soccer field, and basketball court. They drove me to a million practices, camps, recitals, and games, piling way too many un-seatbelt-ed carpool children into an exhaust-spewing station wagon with only an AM radio. 😂😂 I know that I will never be able to give my kids a similarly well-diversified sports experience. Yet, I am hopeful that they will still gain a few things from their sports opportunities along the way.
When you join any sports team or club, you often have to complete the requisite questionnaire, "In joining this team, what are you hoping for your child?" Don't get me wrong, I have always had a very competitive spirit, of course it is FUN to win! Yet, my end goal is not for my child to become a professional athlete or even earn a college scholarship. If they have enough passion for their sport and are successful enough to have this option...it is solely their choice. Choosing to pursue sports at the collegiate level is a highly personal issue, and something that must come from an intrinsically motivated teen, regardless of any outside motivators (parents, coaches, finances). Many go on to play sports in college and have a wonderful experience, others feel it's like a job, and they end up playing more for the scholarship than their passion. Whatever the case, I am just hoping my children can continue to play as long as they are enjoying and growing in their sport, whether it is through elementary, high school, or college. Clearly, in the grand scheme of life, our window for playing sports is short, YET there are so many rewarding life-long lessons and growth opportunities that will serve kids well into adulthood in terms of careers, lessons, relationships, etc. The fun memories and life-long friendships that come with these lessons are just icing on the cake!
As a parent navigating the waters of sports with my own children, I recognize that I am WAY more fortunate than I ever realized as a kid, to have had some amazing sports coaches growing up, (Debbie Watson Villa field hockey coach, if you are out there, you taught us so much!) and I am beyond thankful for the lessons and formative years they have given me. I am also thankful that my own children have had MANY wonderful coaches thus far, and I am forever grateful to these women and men for playing a part in our 'village' to help raise our children. In addition to teaching them so much, they have helped make sports FUN for my children, which is priceless!
So, here goes my list....In the madness of our current crazy youth sports culture, The Top 10 Things I am hoping for my children as they journey through sports, and how they may benefit later in life.
1. Foremost, I want coaches who are good role models, have INTEGRITY, and the capacity to teach my children WAY more about life than just the sport. I want them to learn about the importance of doing the hard things, WHEN NOBODY IS WATCHING. Not cutting corners. Treating teammates, refs, and coaches with respect. Playing FAIR and by the rules. If you are good enough, you don't need to cheat to get there.
SO, when they are 22 and starting out in their career and have to make tough choices, when it may be harder to do the right thing than the wrong thing, they will remember the importance and longevity of doing the right thing.
2. I want them to appreciate and value the physical and mental (thank you, endorphins!) benefits of PHYSICAL FITNESS.
SO when they are 45/55/65, they can continue this pursuit for good health (and have a motivating memory to aspire to, LOL.)
3. I want coaches who are good instructors of the TECHNICAL SKILLS of the game: fundamentals, strategy, creativity, problem solving, etc. Clearly, a coach who is proficient at teaching the technical skills is essential to long term growth and development.
SO, when they are 40 and either coach or watch their kids' teams, they are somewhat familiar with the game!
4. I want them to learn about the importance of all the INVALUABLE INTANGIBLES: hard work, dedication, commitment, discipline, patience, perseverance, FUN, resilience, performing under pressure, and grit.
SO, when they are at a crossroads in their career or relationship at 30, they remember the importance of not giving up and working through challenges to get to the other side. Or, when they make a commitment to someone, they follow through.
5. I want them to learn how to be a GOOD LEADER, inspiring and praising their teammates, (and CARING for their teammates) not only for good performance, but positive attitude, one who picks up their teammates when they are down.
SO, when they are involved with a team project at school or work, they have learned how to be a good team member, and how to positively inspire others. Furthermore, it is not all about YOU, it is about how to contribute to the welfare of the group.
As I reflect on my own sports (or really any extracurricular dance/music) experiences growing up, my only answer is that the reward lies in the tube-sock clad, journey, NOT the destination. Some of my most treasured memories, lessons, and friendships revolve around my sports experiences. As many can relate, given that I grew up in the 70s/80s/90s, the number and variety of sports I was able to play well into my teens far outweigh what would ever be feasible for kids today. Although I was no Mia Hamm/Bonnie Blair/Dara Torres, many of these sports complemented one another. For example, the positions and muscles developed over years of speed-skating along with the field/positional awareness learned from soccer and basketball likely gave me an advantage in field hockey. The strength, balance, and flexibility I gained from dance enhanced the core strength/skills needed for swimming and diving. You get the idea. I am a big believer in the benefits of multi-sport, but that is clearly becoming increasingly challenging in our sports culture today.
I am so thankful that my parents exposed me to so many different sports and supported me through countless hours in the skating rink, swimming pool, soccer field, and basketball court. They drove me to a million practices, camps, recitals, and games, piling way too many un-seatbelt-ed carpool children into an exhaust-spewing station wagon with only an AM radio. 😂😂 I know that I will never be able to give my kids a similarly well-diversified sports experience. Yet, I am hopeful that they will still gain a few things from their sports opportunities along the way.
 |
| Me, top row, second from left in a dreadfully short hair cut and buck teeth..St. Clement soccer team Circa 1987 |
When you join any sports team or club, you often have to complete the requisite questionnaire, "In joining this team, what are you hoping for your child?" Don't get me wrong, I have always had a very competitive spirit, of course it is FUN to win! Yet, my end goal is not for my child to become a professional athlete or even earn a college scholarship. If they have enough passion for their sport and are successful enough to have this option...it is solely their choice. Choosing to pursue sports at the collegiate level is a highly personal issue, and something that must come from an intrinsically motivated teen, regardless of any outside motivators (parents, coaches, finances). Many go on to play sports in college and have a wonderful experience, others feel it's like a job, and they end up playing more for the scholarship than their passion. Whatever the case, I am just hoping my children can continue to play as long as they are enjoying and growing in their sport, whether it is through elementary, high school, or college. Clearly, in the grand scheme of life, our window for playing sports is short, YET there are so many rewarding life-long lessons and growth opportunities that will serve kids well into adulthood in terms of careers, lessons, relationships, etc. The fun memories and life-long friendships that come with these lessons are just icing on the cake!
As a parent navigating the waters of sports with my own children, I recognize that I am WAY more fortunate than I ever realized as a kid, to have had some amazing sports coaches growing up, (Debbie Watson Villa field hockey coach, if you are out there, you taught us so much!) and I am beyond thankful for the lessons and formative years they have given me. I am also thankful that my own children have had MANY wonderful coaches thus far, and I am forever grateful to these women and men for playing a part in our 'village' to help raise our children. In addition to teaching them so much, they have helped make sports FUN for my children, which is priceless!
So, here goes my list....In the madness of our current crazy youth sports culture, The Top 10 Things I am hoping for my children as they journey through sports, and how they may benefit later in life.
1. Foremost, I want coaches who are good role models, have INTEGRITY, and the capacity to teach my children WAY more about life than just the sport. I want them to learn about the importance of doing the hard things, WHEN NOBODY IS WATCHING. Not cutting corners. Treating teammates, refs, and coaches with respect. Playing FAIR and by the rules. If you are good enough, you don't need to cheat to get there.
SO, when they are 22 and starting out in their career and have to make tough choices, when it may be harder to do the right thing than the wrong thing, they will remember the importance and longevity of doing the right thing.
2. I want them to appreciate and value the physical and mental (thank you, endorphins!) benefits of PHYSICAL FITNESS.
SO when they are 45/55/65, they can continue this pursuit for good health (and have a motivating memory to aspire to, LOL.)
3. I want coaches who are good instructors of the TECHNICAL SKILLS of the game: fundamentals, strategy, creativity, problem solving, etc. Clearly, a coach who is proficient at teaching the technical skills is essential to long term growth and development.
SO, when they are 40 and either coach or watch their kids' teams, they are somewhat familiar with the game!
4. I want them to learn about the importance of all the INVALUABLE INTANGIBLES: hard work, dedication, commitment, discipline, patience, perseverance, FUN, resilience, performing under pressure, and grit.
SO, when they are at a crossroads in their career or relationship at 30, they remember the importance of not giving up and working through challenges to get to the other side. Or, when they make a commitment to someone, they follow through.
5. I want them to learn how to be a GOOD LEADER, inspiring and praising their teammates, (and CARING for their teammates) not only for good performance, but positive attitude, one who picks up their teammates when they are down.
SO, when they are involved with a team project at school or work, they have learned how to be a good team member, and how to positively inspire others. Furthermore, it is not all about YOU, it is about how to contribute to the welfare of the group.
I recently read a great quotation, "A team with talent that cares deeply for one another is hard to beat." - Adam Jones.... I could not agree more, and the opposite is certainly true as well, a team full of talented players who are disrespectful jerks to each other, will never be successful.
6. I want coaches who teach GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP, how to win with grace and lose with class. How to rise above dirty play, to shake off others' poor sportsmanship, and bad referee calls as they will ALWAYS exist due to incompetence, blind spots, or in the recent case of the NFC Championship Game, favoring the LA Rams, team bias. If you get all hot and bothered by a bad call, (and my biggest pet peeve, start yelling back at the ref) best case, you will get distracted and worst case carded/thrown out of the game. It's a really pathetic look for yourself, your coach, your team/club.
SO, when they are grown up and living in the real world, they recognize that they cannot throw a tantrum with things don't go their way. And, so when they are 50 and watching their kids' games they are NOT those overzealous obnoxious parents screaming F-bombs at the refs/kids/coaches from the sidelines.
7. I want them to be CHALLENGED MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY when the drill, competition, weather, or teammate attitudes are rough.
BECAUSE LIFE CAN BE HARD and what doesn't kill you literally will make you stronger!
SO, when they are training for that 5K/10K/Half/Marathon, they know how to work toward a goal and push through those difficult thresholds.
8. I want coaches who have the balls to MAKE TOUGH DECISIONS IN FAVOR OF THE TEAM LONG TERM vs SHORT TERM GROWTH. For example, bench a kid for trash talking to fellow teammates or refs (for bad calls) for making a bad pass, giving up a goal, missing a shot, or any technical-related mishap. Michael Jordan will tell you, "I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." The mistake is inherently punishment enough to an athlete, the last thing they need is someone harassing them for it. Furthermore, this negative/toxic talk only destroys the morale of a team. Even the most talented teams will not be successful in such an environment. It creates a fear of failure, and fear is NEVER a good motivator. You have to build camaraderie, trust, and connection within a team to be successful. If coaches don't bench the player for obnoxious behavior, in the hopes of winning the game with this player on the field (short term gain), this player will NEVER learn their lesson and this will continue to be a (long term) problem (for both team culture and player!)
SO, when they become an adult, they learn to be empathetic and kind toward others at school, jobs, and relationships. AND, they will realize that sometimes tough decisions will benefit the team/organization in the long run.
9. I want a coach to VALUE PLAYER DEVELOPMENT OVER WINNING-AT-ALL-COSTS. A coach who rewards the player with a roster spot or playing time based on team commitment, 110% effort, hard work, discipline, improvement, positive attitude/sportsmanship, commitment, as opposed to favoring a player simply for talent, especially at the cost of the aforementioned attributes. This one is tricky, as youth sports are a business these days, so its very hard to find an organization who will truly talk the talk and walk the walk in this regard.
SO, they learn throughout life, that effort and hard work will take them way further than talent alone. As Herb Brooks (character) stated in one of my favorite lines from the movie Miracle, "You don't have enough talent to win on talent alone."
10. I want my children to BELONG TO TEAMS THAT FEEL LIKE FAMILY. One that has FUN on and off the field together. The strong bonds that develop through a connected team environment are strong enough to last a lifetime. This is truly a gift, and one that I can only hope my children experience at some point in their lives.
SO, they will develop and enjoy these friendships throughout adulthood.
In conclusion, when you are driving to Timbuktu for an outdoor game in the freezing rain and all you can think is, "What is the End Game of Youth Sports?" Or, when you and five of the team Dads are pushing your friend's minivan out from being stuck in the mud at the soaking wet soccer field parking lot, (true story)....Just try to have a laugh, enjoy the ride, and remember that the rewards lie in the JOURNEY, not the destination!
Finally, I wanted to share some of my favorite sports quotations...As we celebrate International Women's Day today, a few of these fun graphics from Quotecatalog.com are from women athletes....
And a few more of my favorite quotations....
"You win with people, not with talent. So the quality of the people is very important in building your team. I always looked for people with a solid value system. Then I recruited kids from a cross-section of different personalities, talents and styles of play." - Herb Brooks
"I've never scored a goal in my life without getting a pass from someone else." - Abby Wambach
"It is not the size of a man but the size of his heart that matters." - Evander Holyfield
"Everything is practice." - Pele
"The more difficult the victory, the greater the happiness in winning." - Pele
"You can motivate by fear, and you can motivate by reward. But both these methods are only temporary. The only lasting thing is SELF motivation." - Homer Rice
"The vision of a champion is bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion, when nobody else is looking." - Mia Hamm
"Never let the fear of striking out get in your way." - Babe Ruth
"If you train hard, you'll not only be hard, you'll be hard to beat." - Herschel Walker
"Leadership, like coaching, is fighting for the hearts and souls of men and getting them to believe in you." - Eddie Robinson
"What you lack in talent can be made up with desire, hustle, and giving 110 percent all the time." - Don Zimmer
"Forget me. Forget my number. Forget my name. Forget I ever existed. Forget the medals won, the records broken and the sacrifices made. I want to leave a legacy where the ball keeps rolling foward, where the next generation accomplishes things so great that I am no longer remembered. So forget me, because the day I'm forgotten is the day we will succeed." - Abby Wambach
"It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get up." - Vince Lombardi
6. I want coaches who teach GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP, how to win with grace and lose with class. How to rise above dirty play, to shake off others' poor sportsmanship, and bad referee calls as they will ALWAYS exist due to incompetence, blind spots, or in the recent case of the NFC Championship Game, favoring the LA Rams, team bias. If you get all hot and bothered by a bad call, (and my biggest pet peeve, start yelling back at the ref) best case, you will get distracted and worst case carded/thrown out of the game. It's a really pathetic look for yourself, your coach, your team/club.
SO, when they are grown up and living in the real world, they recognize that they cannot throw a tantrum with things don't go their way. And, so when they are 50 and watching their kids' games they are NOT those overzealous obnoxious parents screaming F-bombs at the refs/kids/coaches from the sidelines.
7. I want them to be CHALLENGED MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY when the drill, competition, weather, or teammate attitudes are rough.
BECAUSE LIFE CAN BE HARD and what doesn't kill you literally will make you stronger!
SO, when they are training for that 5K/10K/Half/Marathon, they know how to work toward a goal and push through those difficult thresholds.
8. I want coaches who have the balls to MAKE TOUGH DECISIONS IN FAVOR OF THE TEAM LONG TERM vs SHORT TERM GROWTH. For example, bench a kid for trash talking to fellow teammates or refs (for bad calls) for making a bad pass, giving up a goal, missing a shot, or any technical-related mishap. Michael Jordan will tell you, "I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." The mistake is inherently punishment enough to an athlete, the last thing they need is someone harassing them for it. Furthermore, this negative/toxic talk only destroys the morale of a team. Even the most talented teams will not be successful in such an environment. It creates a fear of failure, and fear is NEVER a good motivator. You have to build camaraderie, trust, and connection within a team to be successful. If coaches don't bench the player for obnoxious behavior, in the hopes of winning the game with this player on the field (short term gain), this player will NEVER learn their lesson and this will continue to be a (long term) problem (for both team culture and player!)
SO, when they become an adult, they learn to be empathetic and kind toward others at school, jobs, and relationships. AND, they will realize that sometimes tough decisions will benefit the team/organization in the long run.
9. I want a coach to VALUE PLAYER DEVELOPMENT OVER WINNING-AT-ALL-COSTS. A coach who rewards the player with a roster spot or playing time based on team commitment, 110% effort, hard work, discipline, improvement, positive attitude/sportsmanship, commitment, as opposed to favoring a player simply for talent, especially at the cost of the aforementioned attributes. This one is tricky, as youth sports are a business these days, so its very hard to find an organization who will truly talk the talk and walk the walk in this regard.
SO, they learn throughout life, that effort and hard work will take them way further than talent alone. As Herb Brooks (character) stated in one of my favorite lines from the movie Miracle, "You don't have enough talent to win on talent alone."
10. I want my children to BELONG TO TEAMS THAT FEEL LIKE FAMILY. One that has FUN on and off the field together. The strong bonds that develop through a connected team environment are strong enough to last a lifetime. This is truly a gift, and one that I can only hope my children experience at some point in their lives.
SO, they will develop and enjoy these friendships throughout adulthood.
In conclusion, when you are driving to Timbuktu for an outdoor game in the freezing rain and all you can think is, "What is the End Game of Youth Sports?" Or, when you and five of the team Dads are pushing your friend's minivan out from being stuck in the mud at the soaking wet soccer field parking lot, (true story)....Just try to have a laugh, enjoy the ride, and remember that the rewards lie in the JOURNEY, not the destination!
Finally, I wanted to share some of my favorite sports quotations...As we celebrate International Women's Day today, a few of these fun graphics from Quotecatalog.com are from women athletes....
And a few more of my favorite quotations....
"You win with people, not with talent. So the quality of the people is very important in building your team. I always looked for people with a solid value system. Then I recruited kids from a cross-section of different personalities, talents and styles of play." - Herb Brooks
"I've never scored a goal in my life without getting a pass from someone else." - Abby Wambach
"It is not the size of a man but the size of his heart that matters." - Evander Holyfield
"Everything is practice." - Pele
"The more difficult the victory, the greater the happiness in winning." - Pele
"You can motivate by fear, and you can motivate by reward. But both these methods are only temporary. The only lasting thing is SELF motivation." - Homer Rice
"The vision of a champion is bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion, when nobody else is looking." - Mia Hamm
"Never let the fear of striking out get in your way." - Babe Ruth
"If you train hard, you'll not only be hard, you'll be hard to beat." - Herschel Walker
"Leadership, like coaching, is fighting for the hearts and souls of men and getting them to believe in you." - Eddie Robinson
"What you lack in talent can be made up with desire, hustle, and giving 110 percent all the time." - Don Zimmer
"Forget me. Forget my number. Forget my name. Forget I ever existed. Forget the medals won, the records broken and the sacrifices made. I want to leave a legacy where the ball keeps rolling foward, where the next generation accomplishes things so great that I am no longer remembered. So forget me, because the day I'm forgotten is the day we will succeed." - Abby Wambach
"It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get up." - Vince Lombardi
