“Kids may
be screaming for the latest gadget, but what they want more than anything is
time with the family. Make that your biggest gift this year.” – MidnightBliss
"You will always be your child's
favorite toy." -- Vicki Lansky
All
of us want to make our children's faces shine by gifting them with something
special, especially at the holidays. Isn't that what makes dreams come true?
Unfortunately,
no. In fact, those material presents are a bit like drugs--the lift is
temporary, followed by a deeper inner craving. If this cycle is repeated over
and over--even quickly, as it sometimes is on Christmas morning--it can become
tinged with desperation.
That's
because a focus on presents actually fuels the fantasy that material things can
give us what we need inside. But that doesn't work, at least for long. So
we're always looking for the next "thing" that might do the trick.
That makes it hard to appreciate what we have. And it's what puts kids into a
frenzy, so they tear through their presents looking for the next big thing, the
answer to their cravings.
The
truth is, your child IS enough and has enough. That's what you want to
communicate.
You
do that by taking the focus off presents and putting it back on the meaning of
your holiday and the love between you and your child. Since children spell love
TIME, make it tangible by coming up with special ways to connect. Here are five
simple ideas for connection to get you started. (Don't feel like you have to do
them all -- choose one!)
1.
Give the gift of your time. In one study, children were asked what they liked best
about their summer vacations. It wasn't the fancy vacations or even the time
off from school. It was the simple connection time with parents, when the
parent was able to relax and enjoy the child without being stressed. Over and
over again, children said things like "Lying on the blanket with my
Dad, looking at the stars together."
The
presents you buy your child will be quickly forgotten. Why not gift your child
with the best present she'll ever get -- your focused time? Print out
certificates for activities with you and wrap them so your child gets the
pleasure of opening a present.
•
Brunch
out with the parent of your choice.
•
Dad's
best foot massage.
•
Paint
your room with Mom.
•
Soccer
session with Dad.
•
Ice
cream date with either parent.
•
Mom'
special manicure.
•
Choose
the movie for family movie night.
2.
Go for a walk together in the dark to look at the Christmas lights. The fresh air melts away stress so
everyone sleeps better, the dark night gives everyone a bit of feel-good
dopamine because it's an adventure, and the walk gives a nice chance to chat,
away from screens.
3.
Instead of taking a photo of your child on a bearded stranger's lap reciting lists of material items
he covets, take photos of the two of you together -- making Grandma's present,
decorating for the holiday, or baking treats for his class party. Send the
photos to Grandma with her present, and also let your child glue the photos
onto paper to make a little book about your family holidays. Don't be
surprised if your child asks for it over and over, or reads it to comfort
himself.
4.
Let your child fall asleep in front of your tree (if you have one) in a sleeping
bag -- with you by her side, chatting softly. You might even have a slumber
party, one child at a time, and sleep on the couch next to your child.
This will probably become your child's favorite holiday memory.
5.
Start a blessing bowl,
in which you write down things you and other family members are grateful for,
from your year. Just toss them in as you think about them. One evening towards
the end of the year, make popcorn or a fire, snuggle up together, and go
through the bowl reading each gratitude item aloud. Talk about them
together. Make sure you listen as much as you talk, and resist the urge to
lecture your kids. Share aloud how blessed your family is -- particularly to
have each other.
There's
nothing wrong with exchanging presents to express your delight in each other.
But keep the focus on connection and meaning, which fills your child inside in
a way that objects can never do. That's what makes dreams come true.
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